It's with a lot of regrets and mixed feelings that I jot down this final rant. I thought about not writing one at all since in my current state I'm personally more in the mood to brood than to rant. Plus, I don't have much time for such entertaining diversions like my rant because I'm stuck cramming for finals in the hopes that I actually will graduate.
What do you know? It looks like there's one rant left in me after all. I'll tell you what bugs me. What bugs me is watching the jubilation of my fellow students at the thought of getting out of here, while I'm forced to wonder if indeed I'm likely to get out of here at all.
And I'm glad for my fellow students. I wish them well; I really do, as they head off to face their bright futures full of possibilities. But my most lucrative career option at the moment seems to be summer deckhand… and the worst part is, I don't care. Because it doesn't make a difference now.
It seems like everyone I know is ready to move onto the next level of life… but is it too cynical for me to assume that it's not going to be any better? In fact, I'm willing to bet it's pretty much all downhill from here. After education it's more education, for those who can afford it and who have the ability to go, and then after that it's forty hour weeks. No more summer vacations. No more long lazy afternoons to do nothing. No more knowing that nothing really counts yet.
So I guess, if I don't graduate it's probably appropriate, since I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. But I want to graduate. Because maybe, just maybe that will give me the confidence to actually want those future intangibles, once I know they're actually a realistic possibility. So with fingers crossed I say goodbye… to CapeNet for now… and maybe… to Capeside.
PW
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