On to today's business. Actually, I must admit this is sort of YESTERDAY's NEWS, but we still have some catching up to do on the events of the summer. For instance, the best little whorehouse in Capeside otherwise known as Jen Lindley's bedroom was a little short on action for a brief moment there since Capeside Resident Homosexual/Transient Jack McPhee moved in (after being kicked out by his Dad, who was too busy dealing with his catatonic wife and psycho/delusional daughter to bother with the family fairy). BUT-ladies and gentlemen you heard it here first...Jen Lindley is still keeping quite busy. Eyewitnesses saw Jen Lindley in a very compromising position (no doubt alcohol induced) with her old flame, Capeside's one man moral majority himself, Tyson Hicks at the jazz club a few weeks back. Word has it Jen did everything she could to lead the boy along the path of temptation, but like a good Christian, he somehow managed to resistÖ (or perhaps it was just a fear of coming into contact with a few too many sexually transmittable diseasesÖ)... which anyway I hear caused a nasty barroom brawl that got both Lindley and McPhee kicked out of the club by Ty's Friends of Jesus/party animal buddies.

It's good to know Jen hasn't lost her knack for misrepresenting Capeside with her NEW YORK BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!

That's about all I have time to say... I was going to tell you all about Dawson's disaster fling with a lesbian - but... I suppose that can wait. And I promised you some news on Andie McPhee, but I must first gain access into her files at the psycho ward. I HOPE YOU PEOPLE APPRECIATE ALL I DO FOR YOU!!!!! REMEMBER WITHOUT ME YOU'D BE SWIMMING IN A SEA OF LIES AND WHITEWASHING - ALL YOU'D HEAR ABOUT ARE PARADES AND AIDS WALKS AND ARRESTS IN DRUG BUSTS KEEPING IT A SAFE AND HAPPY CAPESIDE.

And I have a few words to say on that drug bust, too... words the Capeside.net site won't give youÖ like NAMES!

SO IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENINGÖ THIS IS WHERE IT IS @!!!!!!!!

--EYES